Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
