He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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