I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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