flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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