I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
