your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
