Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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