Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
