So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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