I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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