WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
