one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
