Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
