I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
