I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me they were just razor bumps!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
