and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
