u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
