After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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