I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
