ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
