dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You are a genius and a whore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
