i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My ass is underappreciated
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
