My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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