Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
