4 words: hood of his car
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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