I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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