I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
