I think i peed on brittanys purse
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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