Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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