I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
