So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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