It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
