I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
