just come out here and I will go home with you...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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