Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Enjoy the penises
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
