so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
