We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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