there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
