I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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