dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
