It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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