I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The ass gains better be worth it
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