Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
