By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
