I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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