so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
