the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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