Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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