i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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