remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
