Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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