Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
