I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
